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Key Takeaways
- Small talk isn’t just filler — it’s a critical bridge in business between transactions and trust.
- Meaningful connections can’t happen without first starting with small talk. It’s an essential leadership skill, but also an essential people skill outside of the workplace.
- In the age of AI, these side conversations and human conversations are crucial for your success.
Small talk can feel superficial or unnecessary, especially if you’re a leader who is focused on managing budgets, leading product launches and reporting to the board or investors. Casual conversation can also feel increasingly awkward if you’ve developed a habit of continually turning to your favorite AI chatbot to review every written communication you send out. Back-to-back Zoom or Microsoft Teams meetings, coupled with a barrage of emails and Slack messages, not to mention repeated disruptions from social media, do not make it any easier to engage in small talk. And still, in the age of automation and constant interruptions, these side conversations remain critical.
As an executive coach frequently hired by companies to help their tech leaders improve their communication skills and confidence, I regularly work with leaders to strengthen their authority and build deeper relationships with their teams. Let’s explore how to master small talk in today’s AI-driven workplaces.
Remember why small talk matters in the first place
Small talk is often dismissed as filler, but it’s not. It’s the critical bridge between transactions and trust.
At the end of the day, small talk isn’t small. It’s an essential skill that leaders must master if they want to foster trust, increase psychological safety in their organizations and drive performance. You can’t expect employees to innovate, feel comfortable making mistakes or share their challenges if you haven’t first developed relationships with them. Those meaningful connections can’t happen without small talk, which begins with “How was your weekend?”
When leaders skip the small talk, they unintentionally signal that outcomes matter more than people. Over time, that erodes trust. A few minutes of genuine curiosity can shift that dynamic entirely.
Embrace a coaching mindset
Small talk can feel challenging if you believe you must carry every conversation. Shifting from a performance mindset to a coaching mindset can lighten the cognitive load. Instead of trying to impress, you get to be curious.
In practice, this looks like asking open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no response. If you’re at an industry conference, you might ask, “What drew you to this event?” or “What insights have surprised you so far?”
As a proud introvert, this is one of my favorite strategies for engaging in conversations without feeling overwhelmed. Despite regularly presenting as a keynote speaker and workshop facilitator, there is nothing I dislike more than traditional networking. Before embracing a coaching mindset, I would quickly get exhausted by feeling I had to carry the conversation. Now, I put my metaphorical coaching cap on and can network for hours because my only task is to ask thoughtful questions.
One of my clients used this approach to get more comfortable with making small talk with his team. Instead of spending hours overpreparing for meetings, he created a handful of coaching questions he wanted to ask during each conversation. This not only reduced his anxiety but also empowered his team and helped him scale his impact. Instead of immediately turning to him for answers, they began asking themselves better questions.
Lean into silence
Some leaders struggle with small talk because they dislike the silence that can arise naturally during conversations. Yet that silence is often where creativity, strategic thinking and powerful ideas emerge. Practice leaning into it. This is particularly important as a leader, since your presence can inadvertently dominate the conversation.
Before responding, try to count to 10 in your head. This intentional pause gives others time to process the topic, think through their perspectives and articulate their ideas. It shifts the dynamic from you performing a monologue to you participating in a dialogue.
An engineering executive I worked with struggled with small talk and noticed his team rarely participated during meetings. Because he processed information quickly and felt uncomfortable with pauses, he often jumped in to fill the space. This left little room for his thoughtful, highly technical subject matter experts to speak up. I encouraged him to slowly count to 20 before responding. That simple shift created space for richer conversations.
Regulate before you relate
Part of the discomfort associated with small talk may come down to your nervous system. It has nothing to do with your intelligence or capability. You may simply be experiencing a subtle stress response. Learning to calm your body helps you stay present.
Before entering a conversation, take a few deep breaths to ground yourself. Focus on breathing out longer than you breathe in. This helps signal safety to your nervous system.
During the conversation, continue to notice your breath, especially if you feel tension rising. The more you practice returning to your body, the easier it will be to remain calm and connected in the moment.
Ditch AI for human moments
I primarily work with tech leaders, who often love adopting the latest technology to optimize productivity. In many areas, that instinct serves them well. It can backfire, however, when it comes to human connection.
Here is the advice I give them: Limit your AI use when communicating with fellow humans. Do not introduce AI into the equation until you have exhausted your own thinking. AI can be a powerful proofreader, but it should not be your lead writer when the goal is connection.
Final thoughts on workplace small talk
Small talk is a critical leadership skill that requires intentional practice. Remember why it matters, ask thoughtful questions, embrace the silence, regulate your nervous system and leave AI for editing and research, not human-to-human connection. Experiment with these strategies throughout your workday and notice what shifts. With practice, small talk becomes less about awkward filler and more about building trust with your team. You’ve got this!
Key Takeaways
- Small talk isn’t just filler — it’s a critical bridge in business between transactions and trust.
- Meaningful connections can’t happen without first starting with small talk. It’s an essential leadership skill, but also an essential people skill outside of the workplace.
- In the age of AI, these side conversations and human conversations are crucial for your success.
Small talk can feel superficial or unnecessary, especially if you’re a leader who is focused on managing budgets, leading product launches and reporting to the board or investors. Casual conversation can also feel increasingly awkward if you’ve developed a habit of continually turning to your favorite AI chatbot to review every written communication you send out. Back-to-back Zoom or Microsoft Teams meetings, coupled with a barrage of emails and Slack messages, not to mention repeated disruptions from social media, do not make it any easier to engage in small talk. And still, in the age of automation and constant interruptions, these side conversations remain critical.
As an executive coach frequently hired by companies to help their tech leaders improve their communication skills and confidence, I regularly work with leaders to strengthen their authority and build deeper relationships with their teams. Let’s explore how to master small talk in today’s AI-driven workplaces.
Remember why small talk matters in the first place
Small talk is often dismissed as filler, but it’s not. It’s the critical bridge between transactions and trust.
