The prosecution: Kevin
Mabel’s clothes mountain gets in the way and sets a bad example for our sons. I call it the ‘Monster’
My wife, Mabel, leaves a permanent pile of clothes in our bedroom on a chair. I call it the “Monster”. It feels as if there are thousands of T-shirts, trousers and sweatshirts always stacked there. I hate it.
I don’t know how she finds anything. Also, it’s a pain: the chair is between the bed and my side of the wardrobe, and sometimes the pile is so huge that it stops me from accessing my own clothes. Mabel has too many clothes and she needs to sort out her things. I do ask her nicely to put her clothes in the wardrobe, but she never responds well.
Because I work away from home for half of the week, Mabel believes she has a monopoly over our apartment. I don’t agree. We both pay to live here, and when I come home I need to be able to use the bedroom too.
When I’m in a rush and need some clothes to go to work or the gym, I get really angry if I can’t open the wardrobe. Mabel then finds a quick fix – she will move the chair and arrange some of the clothes. But the Monster never goes away. It’s always there, lurking. Sometimes it shrinks, but it never entirely disappears.
I am quite tidy and only leave my clothes in our wardrobe or drawers. I can’t understand how anyone can live like Mabel, with clothes strewn everywhere. She’s usually late getting ready for anything, and it’s all because of the Monster. She takes twice as long as me to find anything in our bedroom.
We have two teenage sons, Erik and Michael, and they are just as messy as their mum. When I ask them to tidy their room, they say: “Look at Mum’s room. Why should I clean mine?”
The rest of the family like to live in squalor, and I’m the tidy one, so I can’t lay down the law because I am outnumbered. But when it comes to our bedroom, I’d love Mabel to sort out the Monster once a month at least. She doesn’t have to get rid of it. Just review it monthly to keep it under control, so I don’t have a freakout every time I can’t access my own things.
The defence: Mabel
Kevin is exaggerating the size of the pile. I like living in organised chaos and he should accept that
Yes, the Monster is a permanent fixture in the bedroom. But it’s just how I work. I know what’s in the pile at any given time. I find it easier than relying on a wardrobe. I just fling things on top of one another, and then pull them apart when I need to find something.
Kevin is exaggerating when he says he can’t access his bit of the wardrobe. All he needs to do is move the Monster to the side a little. Then he’ll be able to open the door.
What really annoys me is Kevin’s expectation that I should take all the clothes off the chair, or arrange them to his liking. I don’t have time for that. And because he’s not at home three days a week, I think: “Why should I?”
He doesn’t occupy the bedroom as much as I do, so it’s unrealistic to expect me to keep it to his liking. When he needs to access his bit of the wardrobe, I do move the chair to the side, but this is just how I like to live, so he needs to accept that.
I change clothes three times a day, so it makes more sense to keep everything out where I can see it all, rather than have to take clothes from the hangers in the wardrobe and put them back up every day. That’s a hassle. Besides, keeping everything on the chair means I can see what’s available at any given time.
At the moment, the bedroom is organised chaos, and that’s how I like it. I’m working from home as a therapist, and I also look after our two boys, so I am home more than Kevin. I run the house how I want, and the rest of it is clean and tidy.
Kevin and I have been together for 25 years and we know just how to annoy each other. He hates that our two sons are similar to me. They like to leave all their stuff out and I don’t tell them off about it. It’s just how we live. My mum was the same – she raised me to keep my stuff in my room and as long as it was out of sight then it was fine. Kevin isn’t around so much, so he doesn’t get a say.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Mabel slay the Monster?
I have a fluctuating pile of clean clothes next to my wardrobe that infuriates my partner. However, all Kevin is actually asking for is a monthly sort out, which feels reasonable to me. Also, why are you changing your clothes three times daily? That feels like a crime in itself.
Delilah, 36
The last line is telling: “Kevin isn’t around much so he doesn’t get a say.” As a therapist, Mabel should consider whether “the Monster” represents deeper unresolved issues around responsibility in their relationship. Like Mabel, I’m naturally messy, but dismissing the impact of this on her partner feels disrespectful. Perhaps the monster needs to go in a box?
Marylyn, 41
The Monster isn’t a system, it’s a lifestyle choice imposed on everyone else. Blocking a wardrobe and calling it “how I work” isn’t compromise. Kevin’s tone is sharp, but after years of chair-based anarchy, he deserves a medal for his patience.
Anna, 31
Mabel doesn’t seem to care what Kevin thinks at all, and her argument that he isn’t around as much makes me sad. Why shouldn’t he come home to a tidy bedroom? It’s his home too. Also, why does Mabel change her clothes three times a day?!
Andrew 43
This sounds like a nightmare! A relationship is about compromise. Mabel, chuck the monster or you may find Kevin doesn’t come home at all one day!
Mary 65
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Mabel put her clothes away?
The poll closes on Wednesday 18 February at 9am GMT
Last week’s results
We asked whether Frantz should join Frida and get on his bike, rather than walking everywhere.
6% of you said yes – Frantz is guilty
94% of you said no – Frantz is innocent
